I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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