i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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