He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
