It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
