I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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