now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
