If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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