you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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