Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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