Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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