Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
