What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I looked at my own cervix.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
