He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
