I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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