I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize