im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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