Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
