I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
