All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
