Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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