when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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