i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
