I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
