so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
