bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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