He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
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Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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