I accidentally burped into my bong.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
