God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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