This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
