Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
