My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just invented taco cereal.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
