i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
