Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
