I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
