sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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