omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
