If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Come see our sink grown plant.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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