You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
