Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
