just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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