Please, let me fuck your mom
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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