maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
