I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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