Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
