mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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