We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
