sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
