i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
