my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
