awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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