I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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