remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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