We're facebook friends in real life
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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