u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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