I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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