highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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