bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
