all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
