well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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