You can't special order awesome
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
