On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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