i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
