fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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