It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
