You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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