Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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