Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
