I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
