I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
