I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
