What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
