a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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