we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
