How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
