He had one of those small greek statue penises
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
