In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
