Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
