There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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