Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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