In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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