I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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