I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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