His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
