I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
