There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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