i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
