I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
