ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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