How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
