I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
honey bunches of taint.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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