Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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